The Pseudo Relationship

There is nothing more resourceful then having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex that is purely platonic, but that you can use their mind to tap into the mysterious world of how the male or female mind functions. The subject that has very often been discussed ad-nausea is crossing the line between friends to "lovers." But, what about that other line that many of us have crossed? The less physically risky, but just as emotionally confounding. The line where in the absence of an actual relationship, you use your comfortable friendship with that person of the opposite sex to fill the relationship void. You end up having late night phone sessions, weekday movie nights in, sharing food off each other plates and finishing each others' sentences. You may even find your yourselves using the nauseating "we" reference when speaking to people. But, there is no sexual interaction between the two of you. It's purely platonic. This is not a good thing. Trust me. As comfortable and easy as it may be, it is not a real romantic relationship and you are selling yourselves short. When you replace a real relationship with a "pseudo relationship" you emotionally and psychologically shut yourself off to the possibility of a real one. You stop being aware of the people who are around you and people you meet, of potential relationships because you're already in "relationship" mode. but the thing is, YOU'RE NOT.  You miss out on meeting potential partners because you've either mentally shut yourself down to that possibility, or you constantly giving off the impression to others that the two of you are in a relationship, thus eliminating your chances of meeting someone else. 
GUYS: You often fall into these situations with the hopes that you'll end up finally hooking up with the girl, or simply because actually working towards finding a real relationship can take way too much work and effort. If you're in that situation with a girl, the chances of you hooking up with her are slim. You've been boxed into the friend category and it's unlikely she'll have an epiphany ad realize you're the man of her dreams ( that usually only happens in romantic comedies). Give the friendship some breathing room and spend a night out with the boys. You might actually find a great girl who doesn't just want to split a dessert with you and discuss the latest Resse Witherspoon Rom-Com over the phone.
GALS: If you haven't had any strong feelings for him so far, what are the probabilities that you're suddenly going to realize he' s the one for you? Usually, you're telling him about the latest date you went on and how he held the door out for you. Stop torturing the poor guy. He likes your company, but if he's spending THAT much time with you and enduring that many snooze-worthy sappy movies, he's sending out signals that he's hoping for something more. So it's best to ween each other off of the whole BFF situation and give each other a chance to find a real relationship.
Don't get me wrong peoples, opposite sex friendships are perfectly fine and fun to have, just don't use the friendship and the person to replace a void something that you know they cannot fill. It's unfair to both of you.
Comments, Suggestions ? Let me know!
'Till next time!

The Sport of Hunting

One of the most socially awkward and possibly painful experiences in this whole process of dating is the moment in which you've spotted that person across the party/bar/club etc and decided after a swift gulp of whatever drink you've been nursing throughout the night, that you're going to tap into that "liquid courage" you've just sucked down and approach that person. Ugh. Now, what we've been told is to wait until she/he has detached themselves from the "pack" think of a be-musingly witty  line and go in for the kill. Here's something to ponder....how many times has that ACTUALLY worked? Unless if it's a pretty simple, straight or even sensible line, every person who has been approached this way can see right through that rehearsed line and it doesn't make you look witty or charming...just awkward. So what works? There isn't a magic formula, but there are a few things that have. One of them is to NOT THINK ABOUT IT SO MUCH! If the person has gotten your attention, you've made eye contact, they've even smiled or given some kind of indication that they won't recoil in disgust if you approach them, then just approach them! But, be practical about it. The best way is with a simple, "hi, how's it going?" or something along those lines. You don't need to be that witty, wait until you're actually carrying on a conversation with this person before you show them how witty you really are. One way to think about it is to approach the person as if they are a friend of a friend's that you haven't met yet, but there is enough familiarity there that there shouldn't be any reason to be nervous. It will help keep the whole situation in perspective.
Guys: Don't try so hard that you end up coming on too strong or too awkward, it will turn the girl off and you've lost those few seconds that you have to make a good impression. Don't build it up too much in your head and you're not a Vegas entertainer, so lay off the cheesy lines.
Gals: Give the guy a break. If you see him noticing you across the bar and wouldn't mind having a conversation with him, don't close yourself off in your group of friends making it impossible for him to approach you. Also, keep in mind that it wasn't easy for him to make his way over to you and strike up a conversation out of thin air. Even if you're not that interested, give the guy a break and at least let him try. You never know, you might en up very pleasantly surprised.
Comments, suggestions? Let me know!
'Till next time!

Introduction to Down with Dating

For decades both women and men have been told by self-help books, radio talk shows, magazine columns and dating "gurus" on how to act, what to say, what "rules" to follow and what mind games to play in order to land that perfect person; or at least the right person who's gonna be "so much different " than all the other people we've dated in the past. But the fact of the matter is, it's really not that complicated. It shouldn't be. Usually, that first instinct, that first feeling you get as fleeting as it may be, is usually the right one. We don't always want to listen to that feeling, so we try to over compensate in some way in order to prove that initial feeling wrong. Women over-analyze every word, every minutia of their interaction with that person to convince themselves that he really is head over heals with them. Men, will over-analyze in a different way. If the girl seems really into him he might over-analyze by thinking that " she's over eager, probably wants an insta-relationship and might be a 'clinger'." If he's really into her, he might over-analyze and think" if I show her how I feel right now, she might think I'm the dreaded "clinger" so better wait a few days, a week, etc. to contact her again."
Gals: if seems into you, he probably is. If he seems a little nonchalant or formal (almost business-like), then he's prob not. Trust your initial feeling.
Guys: If she seems really into you, unless if she's already making plans for the two of you for next week and the following and the following....she's not gonna be a clinger, she's just happy the date went well. If you're really into her, just f***' call her. Don't count the days before you think it's right time. Just. call. her. She'll love it. I promise.
Like I said: It's not that complicated. 
If you liked what I wrote or want to add your input or share your stories,  let me know! I'd love hear from you.
'Till next time.